Hairy, scary, recently lived in mom's basement

Species: Wookie
Age: 40
Height: 7’
Build: Heavy
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Brown
Career: Technician
Specializations: Mechanic

Day One: Dewpirr posts on Starchan

I am Dewpirr, and I’m here to ask you a question. Is a wookie not entitled to the sweat of his brow?

‘No!’ says the Emperor, ‘it belongs to the Empire.’

‘No!’ says the Rebel Alliance, ‘it belongs to the cause.’

‘No!’ says the Hutt, ‘it belongs to me. And bring me a box of donuts, I’m hungry.’

I rejected those answers; instead, I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose… WookieNickels. A currency where the citizens would not fear the trackers; where the merchants would not be bound by petty morality; where the big and hairy would not be constrained by the small and bald! And with the sweat of your brow, WookieNickels can become your currency as well.

inb4 empire ban lololol

Day Two: The Rise

Oh man, people are picking up WookieNickels like crazy! The value has skyrocketed, and we’re getting a ton of early adopters. They don’t seem like the most scrupulous of characters, but I tip my hat to their excitement for the cause.

Day Ten: I have an idea you guyz

My cousin Geyyanta is amazed by my WookieNickel success. Maybe I’ll teach him the ropes about some market speculations over some Kashyyyk Dew.

Day Sixteen: My Nephew Scrappy Cousin Geyyanta

He seems to really be picking it up! Geyyanta has been listening pretty intently as I teach him trading strategies. Since I started the currency, I have a ton of it. It couldn’t hurt to give Geyyanta some now to play around with. It’s a perfectly secure currency at this point – even the Hutts are using it!

Day Seventeen: My Dumb Nephew Scrappy Cousin Geyyanta

Shit. He didn’t listen to me when I told him not to bet against the moisture farmers. He lost everything, everything! I shouldn’t have given him so many Nickels; he completely destabilized the market and killed WN’s value. The investors aren’t going to be happy with me…

Day Eighteen: Much Shitstorm, Such Wow

Imperials are fast; they captured the whole family and have sold them into slavery to cover the debts. I have to get them back… even Geyyanta, that ass.

And Nickels barely have value anymore; now everyone’s using BothanDimes. What the fuck is this shit?


Star Wars: Edge of the Empire insanityv2 nukleas2001